Friday, March 30, 2012

A modest proposal

Frenzy grips Poland as the senior ruling Civic Platform wants to hike the retirement age to 67 and everyone and their dog (except mine) is in mad-dog mode crying foul. As I write, the Solidarity trade union is burning things in front of the Polish parliament, where a debate on the issue is being held.

How dare they take away our right to go on a really crappy retirement pension at 60 (women) or 65 (men)? How dare they take away the golden years of our lives when we will sit around and watch You Can Dance 2035? How dare they take away our right to enjoy oatmeal and enemas?

Well, I have a modest proposal. Being a child of 1973, I put forward a reduction of the retirement age to 39. Yes, 39. Imagine. No longer are you old and grey with one foot in a pine-box when you retire. Rather, you are young (ish) and free and ready to parrrrrtay After all, aren't the late 30s the new late 20s?

In economic terms, just think of the massive increase in positive consumer sentiment when the retirement age is lowered. If everyone gets really upset when it is increased to 67, the opposite can only mean a surge of optimism. Everyone will go out and spend to the tee, buying holidays and six packs, and tennis rackets and ice boxes, and party hats and cigar holders….

…what's that? How are we going to pay for this? Ummm, exactly.


  1. A lot of people take this up - it is called being on the dole.
    the reality should be - give people a pension at 60- 65 but a low one and create incentives for them to work on, raising it once you get to 75. Then give a higher bonus to families of those who cop out earlier. Smoking is a patriotic pursuit as the pension payments are so much shorter. If 60 year olds do not smoke, they should give fags out free at the post office.
    Everyone working till they are near seventy. How old do you want your burger flippers to be FFS? can you imagine trying to explain to a hard of hearing sixty seven year old that you don't want onions on your Big Mac?
    Come on...


  2. "can you imagine trying to explain to a hard of hearing sixty seven year old that you don't want onions on your Big Mac?"

    Seriously?! Why should we place a higher expectation on a 67 year old (born 1945) when 30 year olds (1982) today can not grok the concept of open communications; active listening; or conceptual thinking? IF it comes out of a book, they repeat it (get a degree and then teach it). But face-to-face dealing with issues in this country without becoming a crisis blown way out of proportion - like trying to change a topping on a pizza! It's in the blood of this culture, not the age. The disability here is strictly Polish.

    I mean, jeez, just look around this place. The language of Poland is not linguistic - its argumentive rhetoric.