Friday, October 07, 2011

First Ever Poland X Election Awards!

Before we need to shut down at midnight due to pre-election agitation restrictions, let's talk about what can happen in Sunday's election and bestow the first Poland X Election Awards.

There are plenty of candidates in numerous categories, including the Most Successful Politician award, the Election Winner Award, the Big Loser Award, the Future Errand Boy award (aka, the junior coalition partner award) and the Stupidest Candidate Award.

Let's start with the big one: the Election Winner Award. This one goes to Civic Platform (PO) leader and outgoing Prime Minister Donald Tusk. In the end, despite a frighteningly poor campaign, Tusk looks set to overcome and win re-election, mainly thanks to a last-minute lifeline from Law and Justice (PiS) leader Jaroslaw Kaczynski and the media frenzy over his Angela Merkel comments. The PO really had only one idea for the entire campaign: show off the star Donald Tusk as much as possible with minor supporting roles for Finance Minister Jacek Rostowski and Foreign Affairs Minister Radek Sikorski. Hence the victory is mostly Tusk's alone, though if the unlikely should happen and he loses, defeat will be his as well.

I think the race will be tighter than the 9-10 percentage point lead give by the  Gazeta Wyborcza in a Friday election prediction/wishful thinking. It will probably be somewhere between 4 and 6 percentage points, which in the end will actually solidify PiS's position as the main opposition party and keep it preeminent on the right wing of Poland's political spectrum. Jaroslaw Kaczynski is a solid runner-up in the Election Winner Award despite the fact -- as crazy as it sounds -- he is poised to lead his party to its sixth straight election loss.

But neither Kaczynski nor Tusk did enough to win the main solo prize in our contest. The Most Successful Politician award goes to...Janusz Palikot, who in just over a month has risen from zero to hero. I think he will become the No. 3 player in Poland's new parliament with his Palikot Movement (RP) getting a low double-digit result. This award is for reading Poles' sentiment much better than anyone else and executing a blitzkrieg media campaign against his former buddies from the PO and, most of all, rivals from the Democratic Left Alliance (SLD).
Now that we know who has the biggest dildo among Polish politicians, let's see who has the, that is, let's see who won the Biggest Loser Award. We really always had just a single front-runner in this category and I am happy to announce that he did not let us down...Grzegorz "I tag my family everywhere" Napieralski, the SLD leader, for now. This is an award for an amazing achievement, that ism pissing off almost every single leftist-minded voter in Poland below the age of 123 and with no communist-era background. Palikot's success is the SLD's failure and the left wing of the political spectrum is suddenly very crowded. Well done!

Now, let's see who will be Donald Tusk's Future Errand Boy, AKA, junior coalition partner. Yep, this time we have an incumbent winner. Polish Peasant Party (PSL) leader and outgoing Deputy PM Waldemar Pawlak should have enough votes to just make this award...unless not. Then it would most likely be Palikot, who could grab two of our prizes. But Pawlak is perfect in the job, especially as he has done it so well for four years.

For the most closely fought category -- the Stupidest Candidate Award -- it's been a real challenge. But Piotr Tylkowski, one of the many unknown politician wannabees tied to the Palikot Movement wins the prize! Here is a clip with his performance. The obvious runner-up, for desperation mainly, is the stripping SLD girl. An SLD politician who did a death metal political ad is high up on the list as well.

Happy voting!


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